i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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