just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am one with the molecules
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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