You were right. It hurts to walk today.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
