Betty ford says i'm here all night
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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