College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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