a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
