If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
