before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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