Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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