just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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