never play flip cup with pint glasses
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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