How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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