I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
