someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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