I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
