My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
