Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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