Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm both gender and math confused
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
