he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
