the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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