I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
