Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
