Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
