so that wasnt chicken after all
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
