why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
