Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
