I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
