She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
