I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
