mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
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Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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