somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
