Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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