I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
