I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
