I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
