Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
