if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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