ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
