sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
