explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
