i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
