In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
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There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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