Pappa wants mamma naked
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
