Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
