I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
