He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
