i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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