I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You took a bar mat shot.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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