I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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