you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
