Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
