if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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