Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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