my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
