you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
