wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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