My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
