stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
