why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
