I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
