No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
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Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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