So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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