I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
