She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
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Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
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When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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