Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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