Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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