So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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