So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
