Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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