He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
