matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
