i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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